this year we have all lost someone close to us, for me this year it was my cousin Ivan, he was a unique individual and the most gentle of people I have known, what our relationship made special for me was he more than anyone I have crossed paths in life saw eye to eye on the way things should be, we had many discussions sharing our views and thoughts about everything under the sun,
once while driving down Harrison Ave. in Cincinnati, a long road that runs through many neighborhoods, from the poorest in Price Hill where Ivan lived to some very upper class ones, after sitting quiet for a moment, something that rarely occurred between us, he said out of the blue, “does any of this look good to you?”, and I immediately knew what he was talking about and agreed, the unsightly view of the typical American neighborhood, various parts in different stages of disrepair mixed with brand new, all jumbled together going along for miles, and he also meant the discourse of our society, which disturbed him greatly, Ivan was about as peaceful as it comes and any kind of hostility both frightened him and turned his gut when he saw others being hurt, while agreeing with him I also went onto say that despite that, there were millions of good and decent people in this world, and it was up to us to work hard to be one of them, to which he agreed,
and I think Ivan’s response to what we are all are facing in our country could be summed up in what I wrote about him and it’s title,
drive carefully
this is a story of two cousins, who had very different and very similar lives, early on they lived many miles apart, one cousin moving from place to place with the other living in one place, the moving cousin stopped moving and settled down nearby when he was ten years of age, and as is the usual thing in families they started doing cousin things together, birthday parties, sleepovers, and just the ordinary and regular mischief kids get into,
then in their middle teen years, as was natural since they were still some distance they began their own lives, making friends, having romances, colleges, jobs, each living with a zest and curiosity for all that life offered,
And then misfortune struck both of them, in their early 30’sthey both were stricken with a mental disease, but their journey’s from then on were to be two very different ones, one cousin had very loving parents and a brother and friends, but they were overwhelmed by the chaos and turmoil that often comes with those stricken with mental illnesses, and the usual accompanying result of slow isolation began for this cousin, whereas the other cousin wasn’t stricken with as a severe illness, was also blessed with a loving family and friends, but this cousins family had the education and resources so the usual results were very different and most of the chaos was avoided and the isolation as well,
as the years passed these cousins paths only crossed on the rare occasion, until finally due to the circumstances, deaths in the family, distance, they did not see each other for some time, but finally in families who are full of those who care about each other, another cousin reached out to the more fortunate one and asked him to check in on the other, and he did, and from there they began a new journey together,
The more blessed cousin noticed something right off, that despite the incredible hardships his cousin had faced, who was now living in an unsafe neighborhood and tiny studio apartment with very little in life, was still full of the same joy of life, care for the world around him, and had kept his family sense of clever humor, from then on they visited regularly, shopping, movies, dining out, the typical stuff people do living life together, and because of the time apart things were awkward at first, remembering who they were together back then, who they were now, and slowly over the years a genuine fondness grew between these two cousins, they became a joyful island over the craziness of the years to one another,
But misfortune was to strike again, when Ivan Bruce Karp, and now you know who the one cousin was, he was the cousin who’s journey had been the typical one of those with mental illness, hard and difficult, was diagnosed with cancer, terminal, and thus began our last journey together, and you also know who the other cousin was,
this journey with Ivan was to become what was the most incredible and bittersweet one of my life, and all because of him, the person who he really was down deep, the part of us we can’t really hide from others no matter how hard we try, how Ivan was unwavering and true to himself and all he believed, how he was more concerned with the burden this curse put on others than what it was for himself, how why in the end I called him my hero, because until the very end, as I held his hand, peacefully taking his last breath, he was Ivan too the end, and I thought of his life I remembered the last thing he communicated to me just a few days before he passed as I was leaving his place that night walking out the door, what Ivan said each and every time when I left his place after visiting, drive carefully
I hope hope you all have a wonderful and safe Memorial day, and that tomorrow when we get back to work remember our problems are not insurmountable, otherwise I could still own a slave, women couldn’t vote and we would still be killing native Americans,